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ISSUE #29 Q & A
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
Faze Reader:
Some of my friends can be really cruel. When we walk past homeless people or street performers, they’ll go up to them as if they’re going to give them money then say, “Get a job!” I hate when they do that. What should I say to them?
ED:
This really gets me. Do your genius friends think that these homeless people wouldn’t prefer a job? Do they think that anyone would rather be treated like crap sitting on a cold street than have a job indoors, no matter how lousy it might be? These people are homeless because they can’t get a job, for numerous reasons. Some come from backgrounds of abuse, substance addiction or illness. Also, once you’re on the street, it’s hard to get off the street. Try getting a job with no home address and no change of clothes.
By the way, how many of your friends support themselves? Would they be so smarmy without mom and dad putting a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs? Morons.
RED:
My solution would be to give these homeless people a dollar or so and shame your friends. They may give you a hard time about it at first, but eventually you’ll shame them into changing their tune. Don’t worry about where the money is going, it’s not up to you to determine that. All that matters in terms of your karma is your generous spirit.
Faze Reader:
I plan on marrying into money and everyone knows it. What’s wrong with that? I hate when my friends say I’m shallow and a golddigga. I figure since I’m in a free country that allows me to pick my husband, why pick someone poor? Again, what’s wrong with that?
ED:
Usually you don’t ‘pick’ a spouse based on income. You look for personality, common interests and yes, physical attraction. You don’t look for their net worth, because that would make you a ‘golddigga.’ The only good news is that anyone interested in someone as shallow as you deserves what he gets.
P.S. Have you considered setting some personal goals to make your own money?
RED:
Yeah, what you’re doing is the definition of a gold digger—I’m not using the slang because I’m trying to encourage literacy here. If marrying into money is important enough to you, you’re going to have to get used to that name, because if the glass slipper fits, wear it.
Faze Reader:
One of my friends is into digital photography and he’s really good at manipulating photos. Recently, he posted a not-so-funny image of me kissing a dog’s butt. Without sounding like I can’t take a joke, how do I get him to take it down?
ED:
Was it a friendly peck or a full-on make-out? Either way, you could just tell him, “Okay, ha ha, joke’s over,” and ask him to take it down. Or, suggest he take aim at another one of your friends to replace your picture. You’re a teenager, you guys stab each other in the back all the time anyway.
RED:
Ed, why are you so interested in the details of someone kissing a dog’s butt?
The more you protest the photo, the more likely he is to make another one just to infuriate you, because he knows he can get to you. As someone who’s had plenty of my pictures photoshopped into compromising positions by other people, I can assure you that no one believes you’re really into kissing dogs’ butts.
Faze Reader:
My boyfriend is starting to break out with some crazy acne. Really gross acne that covers his whole face. I’ve dated him forever (it’s been almost eight months) and he’s a great guy, but I can’t take the face. What’s a good way to let him down easy?
ED:
You’re kidding right? There is no good way. You’ll have to figure this out for yourself. And by the way, have you (nicely) suggested he see a dermatologist?
RED:
I went out on a couple of dates with a guy in high school who had severe acne, and I admit that even though I’m very much an “inner beauty” type of person, cystic acne, with its oozing sores and erupting pustules, sets off those “Disease! Fleeeeeeee!” zones in the human brain. But I’d suggest trying to help this “great guy” with his medical condition before breaking up with him. Remember, he’s probably very self-conscious about the acne himself! Approach him in a way that’s focused on concern for him. Good luck to both of you.
Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)
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