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ISSUE #35 Q & A
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
Faze Reader:
I just saw a program on Heidi Montag’s plastic surgery marathon, where she got 10 procedures done in one day—she doesn’t even look real anymore! And there are always articles in magazines that talk about more and more celebrities who are getting this or that “done” to them. I guess my question is this: is there anyone left in Hollywood who still has their original body parts?
RED:
Heidi Montag is a very extreme and unsafe case, but there is no doubt that there is a lot of plastic surgery in Hollywood. Speculating on who has had what done though—I don’t know. I know I wouldn’t consider myself “Hollywood,” but I do work in TV and I haven’t had any cosmetic surgery.You’re right that it’s getting out of control, and that it’s not healthy. Even some of the more ethical cosmetic surgeons are complaining. There is something we as women can do, however: STOP RIPPING CELEBRITIES APART BASED ON THEIR APPEARANCE! When you catch yourself saying that someone is fat or ugly, stop yourself. Don’t go there. Correct the instinct. The fear that the public will reject a woman for not being pretty enough is the root of Hollywood’s obsession with surgical “enhancements.” I mean, we’re concerned about Megan Fox’s thumbs now! Seriously?!
ED:
Yeah, I sort of agree—and I don’t. I can’t stand unnecessary plastic surgery and especially hate fake breasts, as do most men who are not shallow jerks. But I think the answer is not to stop ripping celebrities for their appearance, but to START mocking the ones who have all these procedures done. The only way to place natural beauty on the pedestal it deserves is by turning the plastic celebrities into punchlines. Trust me, the negative option is made of WIN.
Faze Reader:
My younger sister is so annoying! She follows me everywhere and always insists on being in the same room when my friends come over. I’ve even found my clothes and other stuff hidden in her bedroom that she has stolen from me. How do I get this little kleptomaniac mini-me off of my back?!
RED:
Oh girl, I hear you. I went through the same thing when I was a teen. The only way to keep your stuff safe is to get a box with a lock on it and put your valuables in there, then give a key to Mom or Dad and keep one for yourself—the second key is in case you lose yours!
ED:
Start wearing ugly clothes. And don’t launder them.
RED:
How often do you say positive things to people as well? How often are you handing out compliments? If what you’re saying is a steady stream of negativity, people figure that out quickly. You’re not being honest. You’re being nasty. Your sister is right.
ED:
Or you could do that.
Faze Reader:
So, I don’t have a lot of confidence. When one of my friends makes a joke about me, I’m not quick enough to think of a comeback and I end up saying nothing and looking like such a loser—I can’t even defend myself. Help!
ED:
Listen, I’ve made a career out of insulting people. The people who come out looking the best are always the ones who don’t try to top me with a comeback. Just keep smiling; I have way more respect for someone who can take a joke than for a person who sputters out some lame attempt at hitting back.
RED:
Ed’s right here. Although if something really hurts, consider setting up a “no-joke zone” with your friends. A no-joke zone is an area of sensitivity—we all have them—that isn’t fair game for teasing because you’re not capable of laughing at yourself about it. The good thing about a no-joke zone is that setting one up in advance makes your boundaries clear without implying the other person is being mean.
ED:
Only problem is you’re drawing a bull’s-eye on your sensitivities for any idiot to take a shot at. But if they do that, you’re better off knowing that you need new friends.
Faze Reader:
I’ve been dating this guy for the past few months, but I am having serious problems trusting him. Not that he’s done anything wrong (that I know of), but he’s really friendly to everyone, including girls, and it makes me think he might be exploring his options while dating me. I sometimes go through his text messages on his phone when he’s not looking, and maybe twice I’ve logged in to his Facebook, but never found anything bad. So why can’t I just trust him?!
ED:
Um, hello? The untrustworthy one is YOU. Stop creating excuses for invading his privacy to satisfy your insecurities—which aren’t satisfied anyway. And with the time you save not poking around in his email, take a long, hard look at why you’re such a weasel.
RED:
A gentler way to put what Ed is trying to say is that in this case, it’s not him—it’s you. If you haven’t caught him doing anything wrong in your snooping, he’s more than earned your trust, and your insecurity is getting in the way of a rewarding relationship with what sounds like a great guy.
ED:
Except for his lousy taste in women.
Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)
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