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ISSUE #42 Q & A
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
Faze Reader:
I’ve got this friend and HER FAMILY’S REALLY LOADED, so she usually gets anything she wants. Like ANYTHING. I don’t think she intentionally rubs her new things in my face, but I can’t help being jealous every time she pulls the latest gadget out of her designer purse. How can I have a healthy, jealousy-free relationship with my rich friend?
ED:
What’s to be jealous of? Someone who’s been fooled by ads and Gossip Girl into believing that being willingly ripped off by overpriced goods leads to happiness? Someone who is a slave to buying the newest gadget or outfit, and loses her status among her friends without them? Don’t be jealous; she’s a chump. True happiness comes from within…and Pez.
RED:
I’m kind of allergic to rich brats, so I’m a bad person to answer this question. The focus on things instead of people makes me itchy. I have never found a way to co-exist with the wealthy and spoiled. I like stuff with buttons as much as any geek, but I find a way to share the wealth, not just flaunt it. See if your friend will give some of her money or time to a charity instead of the newest iPhone. There might be hope for her then.
Regarding your jealousy, that’s a tough one. It’s easy to say that stuff doesn’t make you happy, but we all like stuff. There’s a limit to how much stuff you need though, so maybe you need to figure out if what you’re coveting is your friend’s stuff, or her status.
Faze Reader:
I am 16, almost 17, and I have a very flat bum. I’m always SUPER-JEALOUS OF KIM KARDASHIAN’S BEHIND, and am considering butt implants. Am I too young for that?
ED:
In a word, yes. But it has less to do with age than it does stupidity, which is ageless. Don’t try to look like some other girl; there are guys who like women of all shapes and sizes, including yours. I’m just glad that Kim has made having a bum cool again. I could never figure out what those skinny supermodels used for sitting.
RED:
You are clearly too young if you want to have an invasive surgical procedure that two people have died from just to look like someone else. And don’t worry: when you hit 22 and puberty ends, your hips and butt get bigger. By that point, of course, Kim Kardashian will be long gone.
Faze Reader:
My best friend speaks with no filter. Inappropriate things always spew out of her mouth, and she doesn’t realize until after the fact. It’s funny when we’re with our friends, but IT’S SO TOTALLY EMBARRASSING when I have to introduce her to new people. How do I tell her she needs to think before she speaks, without being offensive?
ED:
Hey, you think saying something offensive yet funny doesn’t take thinking? I’d be offended…if others’ opinions mattered to me.
RED:
“You need to think before you speak, because these are new people and we don’t know their sensitivities.” She might get offended, but pointing out that your friend makes terrible first impressions is not offensive.
Faze Reader:
My younger sister is the LAZIEST PERSON I KNOW. She never cleans up after herself and never does anything she’s told. It drives me crazy!!! Unfortunately, my parents aren’t doing much about it. What can I do to make her stop being so useless?
ED:
This is a rare opportunity to learn three important lessons for your future in the working world: 1) you can’t control other people’s work habits; 2) if you’re the least bit competent, you’ll probably wind up having to clean other people’s messes; 3) you will never understand why management is so stupid.
RED:
Nothing. First of all, it’s not your problem— unless you’re sharing a bathroom with her and it’s really disgusting. Secondly, you are not her parent, which I’m sure you’ve heard a million times. Echoes of my younger sister saying that to me still haunt my dreams… If your sister really is lazy, life will eventually give her a wake-up call. But teaching her that isn’t your job.
Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)
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