Ask Ed The Sock 17: Pizza Obsession, Blackmail, Boyfriend Issues

In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE, our readers bare their souls to Ed The Sock & Red, Canada’s high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red’s unfettered and heartfelt replies.

Send in your own questions and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.

ISSUE #17 Q & A

Faze Reader:
My dad is obsessed with pizza! All he ever does is eat pizza. Whenever my mom goes out to dinner with friends or to a movie he orders at least two large deluxe pizzas! He threatens me and tells me not to tell my mom because she’ll never leave the house again! How can I let my mom know about my dad’s stupid obsession?

ED REPLIES:
Is this a real question or did someone mix-up a plot synopsis for a Simpson’s episode? He orders two large deluxe pizzas on a regular basis? Unless he has a colony of tapeworms your mother will find out soon enough when there’s no longer room for two in their bed.

Faze Reader:
My boyfriend broke off with me after a few months. But the problem is I can never get him off my mind — every song I listen to, every time I’m sitting on the bus or lying in bed. I’m in love with him but I’ve realized love really hurts. Is this what guys do, push away then come back?

ED REPLIES:
Well, they can only come back if you let them. And if you let them, they will always push away and come back because you’re providing a safe place to return to. I don’t know how fresh this break-up is but trust me, it gets easier. I know, I know, everyone says that, but they don’t understand. Yeah, trust me, we do. First thing you need to do is stop telling yourself how much you miss him, because you’re just brainwashing yourself. Tough as it is, you’re better off being free to find somebody who will return your feelings, and not shackled to the memory of some moron who can’t appreciate you properly.

Faze Reader:
An ex-friend of mine has been blackmailing me with a personal secret that could ruin me if it ever got out. He keeps telling me he won’t tell as long as I keep giving him money for smokes. I can’t take it anymore. I want to give him a piece of my mind but I’m afraid that he will expose me, what should I do?

ED REPLIES:
Well — hard to say without knowing your secret, but then it wouldn’t be a secret anymore. You need to ask yourself a few questions: is this really that bad a secret? Will it really “ruin you” or are you being a teenage drama queen? Is keeping the secret worth letting this creep have power over you? Okay, let’s say the secret really is serious. The person who is blackmailing you is an ex-friend. Couldn’t you just deny it and say this person is just trying to get back at you because you’re no longer friends? Seems plausible to me. Unless there are pictures.

Faze Reader:
My boyfriend never wants to spend anytime alone with me. Every time we have plans to go out he invites his buddies to come out with us. I’m starting to feel like maybe he doesn’t care about me, should I confront him about it?

ED REPLIES:
Well, despite what idiots like Dr. Phil might tell you, “confronting” someone is never a good idea. The last thing you want to do is make someone feel they need to defend themselves — you’ll usually get them to say things they don’t really mean and you don’t want to hear. There could be lots of reasons why he is too insecure to be alone, including his fear that you’ll jump him and he won’t know what to do. Just talk to him, tell him how you feel, and don’t make any demands. And don’t jump him. At least, not at that moment.

Faze Reader:
My friend keeps bothering me and telling me he likes me. I told him I don’t want to be more than “just friends” but he won’t listen. What can I do? Ignore him, or is that too harsh?

ED REPLIES:
No, that’s not too harsh. What’s harsh is this guy continuing to put the moves on you after you’ve said no. So you can either ignore him, or go out with him and act like every guy’s worst nightmare so he’ll stop craving your time as a girlfriend. But that’s a touch too much like a sitcom answer. But you decide.

Faze Reader:
Whenever a pretty girl walks by, my boyfriend’s eyes bulge out of his head. I’m tired of his roving eye. Should I give him an ultimatum to stop this behaviour or should I just let it go?

ED REPLIES:
Well, if he’s a young guy, he’s probably just posturing to show that he’s a red-blooded Canadian male. It is part of the bad cultural programming guys get that the media seems to ignore. Best way to deal with it is to ogle the guys as often as he does the girls. If he calls you on it, ask him how it makes him feel, and how he thinks it makes you feel when he does the same sort of thing. And if he still doesn’t get it, dump him and find someone closer to being an adult.

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