In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE, our readers bare their souls to Ed The Sock & Red, Canada’s high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red’s unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send in your own questions and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
ISSUE #20 Q & A
Faze Reader:
I love my best friend, but she gets really fierce when it comes to guys. If we spot a bunch of good-looking guys, she always makes her claim on the hottie and will get in my way if I am talking to a cute guy. I’ve told her to back off, but she thinks I am joking. What to do?
ED REPLIES:
Well, you could try a Taser gun or pepper spray, but I think those are only legal for law enforcement officers. You say she thinks you’re joking. Have you ever told her that YOU’RE NOT JOKING? Try it. If it’s any consolation, few guys like a girl that is that pushy and needy for attention. She may be helping you by providing a contrast. Never know.
Faze Reader:
I have hormonal acne and I am a guy, which means this won’t go away till I am in my 20s. Am I doomed till then? Chicks don’t dig zits, do they?
ED REPLIES:
Chicks, unlike dudes, aren’t as fixated on looks. Besides, thanks to a relentless campaign by the media and advertising community that destroys girls’ self-esteem, you’ll find many girls will respond well to someone treating them with respect and dignity. Your challenge is in not defining yourself by your zits. If you can see past your acne, you’ll find others can, too.
Faze Reader:
My friend is a total perfectionist. She’s always trying to correct my stuff and tell me how to “better my work,” whether it’s homework or even talking to other people. I can’t stand it anymore because she can’t take any criticism but is always dishing it out.
ED REPLIES:
Again, I would refer to the Taser or pepper spray, but they aren’t legal. To be honest, there’s very little you can do but learn to listen with one ear. She can’t take criticism because she is already her own worst critic, like all perfectionists. She really thinks she is trying to help you. You can try telling her, in a non-judgmental way, that you either don’t want her advice or would like it phrased in a less demanding way. But honestly, my experience with perfectionists tells me you should just learn to politely ignore her outbursts, like you would a fart in an elevator full of strangers.
Faze Reader:
What are some of the albums you are listening to this summer?
ED REPLIES:
Who cares? Honestly, who gives a rat’s hindquarters what I am listening to? Maybe you are looking for me to recommend something you might like. Know what? Forget it. Music gets marketed well enough. I’d rather recommend something for you to read – you know, books? If I knew what your interests were, I’d do just that. Music is fine as brain candy. But for a real meal deal – read something!
Faze Reader:
My sister tells me I should invest in some makeup to look cute. I am totally not like her. I hate high heels and all that, but does this mean no guy is ever going to ask me out?
ED REPLIES:
I hope you’re really young, because if you’re not, then you’re naïve, bordering on stupid. Guys don’t date makeup (though some may privately wear some). If you’re the kind of girl who isn’t into excessive superficiality, then by being yourself, you’ll attract a guy who shares your down-to-earth vibe. Let your sister smear on her war paint; you do what makes you comfortable.
Faze Reader:
I am a caring, sensitive kinda guy who is afraid to ask out the leader of the cheerleading team. (She really is hot!) Do jocks have first dibs on the cheerleaders? Do I stand a chance in hell?
ED REPLIES:
Like most people older than you, let me answer your question with a story. I have spent the last several spring breaks in Florida with thousands of college kids. It’s a meat market — girls in bikinis and guys hoping to get with the girls in the bikinis. Muscled guys flex on the beach, funnel beer, pose and preen, all to get the girls’ attention. But you know what? In all the years I‘ve been there, the only guys I’ve seen get any serious female attention were the slim-to-average built ones, NOT the muscleheads. Seems women might like to look at himbos, but they don’t want to talk to them. So the answer is yes, you do have a chance. Just don’t be an idiot about it.
Faze Reader:
I have caught my younger brother, aged 13, peeping into my room when my friends are over. Is this an early sign of a peeping Tom? Should I tell my parents?
ED REPLIES:
Depends. Are you and your friends naked? If not, I wouldn’t worry. Younger siblings are always curious about the lives of older brothers or sisters. Maybe you should invite him in a couple of times. Once he sees how boring you and your friends really are, the mystery will be gone and he can go back to playing video games.
Get Ed’s compilation CD, Featuring “songs that don’t suck”
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)
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