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Ask Ed & Red

Ed The Sock And His Gal Red
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.

Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.

ISSUE #26 Q & A

Faze Reader:
My boyfriend is a gum saver. When he’s about to eat he puts his gum off to the side until he’s done his lunch and then he shoves the wad back into his mouth. Disgusting! How do I convince him it’s not worth saving?
ED:
Ummmm…how do I convince you he’s not worth saving?
RED:
I don’t think a guy is worth tossing because of one disgusting habit *cough* cigars *cough*. That being said, I think it’s completely within a girl’s rights to make said guy miserable about said habit.


Faze Reader:
Whenever my friend sees me she’ll give me a hug. That’s great and all, but she’s got disgusting breath and B.O. She’s a double threat! How do I get her to back off?
ED:
Have you tried a fire hose?
RED:
Ugh, the age-old conundrum of how to tell a friend she stinks. If it’s really that bad, saying something is doing her a favour. But try to be gentle about it, please. That’s not an easy thing to hear.


Faze Reader:
My friend constantly licks her lips and it totally grosses me out. Her tongue seems to cover half her face when she does it! She said that guys think it’s se xy. Whatever!! What can I do to make her stop?
ED:
When parents try to stop their kids from biting their nails, they put a bitter tasting liquid on the biter’s fingernails. Maybe you should spray the same thing on your friend’s face. But her tongue reaches half her face? Is she 18? If so, maybe it’s best I had a talk with her about this.
RED:
I think Ed just proved your friend’s point about guys thinking it’s sexy. That being said, there is more to life than guys thinking you’re sexy, and when a person can’t find the off button on that thing, it can get tiresome. Why is she doing it around you? Tell her you want the real her, not an act she puts on for guys.


Faze Reader:
My friend’s sister likes to pretend she’s English and put on a fake accent. And her accent is really bad! I can tell by the looks on people’s faces that they know she’s full of crap. I am so embarrassed. What should I do?
ED:
Tell her that if she really wants to come across as being from the U.K., you’ll take a hammer to her teeth so her mouth looks like the product of authentic British dentistry.
RED:
Ed’s suggestion would probably be effective. I’m just not sure your friend’s mom would appreciate the sentiment.


Faze Reader:
My boyfriend wears the same jeans forever without washing them. Once I saw a mustard stain on them and it was still there a month after the fact! How do I get him to clean up?
ED:
Not to sound like a little girl but…eeewww. You kiss this guy? I hesitate to ask whether he changes his underwear as infrequently. Providing this letter didn’t arrive through a time-portal from a post-apocalyptic future or in a bottle from a desert island, there’s no excuse for your bf’s lack of hygiene. Forget about him changing his pants: you should just change your boyfriend.
RED:
That was kind of allowed when grunge was in. But unless he’s got an iPod full of Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Smashing Pumpkins and Green Day circa Dookie, he should be discovering a chemical romance with detergent. Honey, if he’s not considering you now, he’s not ever going to consider you.


Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)




Follow Faze on Twitter @FazeMagazine





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