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ISSUE #32 Q & A
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
Faze Reader:
One of my friends is really rich—well, her DAD is really rich— and every time we go to the mall, she drags me into these superexpensive stores and tries EVERYTHING on, knowing that I can’t afford a thing. She spends so much money at once and doesn’t even wear half the things she buys. Don’t her parents notice she’s cleaning out their bank account? What the heck is wrong with them?
RED:
They’re rich? If your friend is so loaded, why isn’t she sharing the wealth? Sounds like she’s just rubbing your nose in it to me.
ED:
Her parents may notice their bank account being drained, but that’s no substitute for them noticing her. Too many parents replace the TV with the credit card as a nanny when their kids get older, so the kid can amuse herself and the parents can pretend they’re being good parents. Don’t be jealous. One day your friend will discover that buying things is no cure for the gaping void in her life. She who laughs last, laughs best.
Faze Reader:
So, my boyfriend is a really amazing drummer and loves music to death, but he also thinks he’s a really good singer, and well, he’s NOT. He’s actually quite a horrible singer and insists on singing ALL THE TIME. He sings in the car and when we’re on the phone, and it’s excruciating. He doesn’t exactly take criticism well, and I can’t keep using the excuse that my head hurts. How do I break it to him that he’s a terrible singer and he should stick to drums?
RED:
I’m terrible at this sort of thing. I’ll let Ed handle this.
ED:
I’m the wrong guy to ask. Your situation requires diplomacy, and that isn’t my strong suit. You’ll have to take his feelings into consideration because nobody likes their performances critiqued. You may want to ask someone else to tell him. Or record him and make him listen to it. Or you could start breaking wind in the car, and when he complains, tell him you’ll stop doing that if he stops singing. Like I said, not my strong suit.
Faze Reader:
My friends and I have this bet going—we’ve had it in the works for awhile now—about who is going to be the “last virgin standing.” There are only two left now: me and this one other guy. I will be labelled a loser for the rest of my life if I am the last one to do it. The other guy has a serious girlfriend now, and I’m pretty sure it’ll be a done deal sooner or later. Should I quickly try and hook up with my ex, or fi nd someone more random?
RED:
What you’re contemplating is the worst possible reason to start having sex. Neither your ex nor some “random” girl is going to appreciate being a hook-up to win a bet with your friends. You’re walking into a whole lot of trouble there. Girls prefer guys who have a responsible attitude towards sex, and the most responsible thing you can do is wait until you are ready and your situation is right.
ED:
First of all, virginity is rarely lost while standing, so that might be your fi rst problem. Secondly, have more respect for women than seeing them as a means to an end. Third, nothing that happens in high school will brand you as ANYTHING for the rest of your life. And chances are, at least some of your friends have lied about having sex—welcome to the world of men. Wait until you find someone who means something to you and who you mean something to—that way she will be less likely to laugh at the inexperience, ineptitude and short duration that ALL men display when first having sex.
Faze Reader:
So I keep getting in trouble at school because I don’t tuck in my stupid shirt. How is that something to get in trouble for? I go to class, do my homework and wear the completely hideous uniform, and I don’t understand how not tucking in my shirt has anything to do with school. Don’t I have the right to stand up for myself and prove to them that they should pay more attention to the people outside doing drugs, rather than waste time over a dumb shirt?
RED:
Yes, they should. But… it’s a flippin’ shirt. It’s less work to tuck it in than form a resistance movement. They’re picking on your shirt to seem like they’re doing something because they think the kids doing drugs are a lost cause. And you’re helping them do it by fighting with them.
ED:
Don’t listen to her. It’s important to assert your individuality. But you’re learning an important lesson—being an individual is costly. Are you willing to pay the cost? Also, it’s important to pick your battles. The shirt battle is one you’ll lose, but there’s no shame in retreating—you made your point. Just don’t surrender your sense of self. The Borg are wrong: resistance is not futile.
Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)
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