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Ask Ed & Red

Ed The Sock And His Gal Red
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.

Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.

ISSUE #33 Q & A

Faze Reader:
I hate all the guys at my school!!! They lie, they cheat and they are only after one thing. They say they want to get to know the real you, but ALL THEY REALLY WANT IS TO GET IN YOUR PANTS. Where do I go to meet a guy who is interested in my mind and not just my body?
RED:
The math club? I don’t know, maybe you can take this one Ed. You’re the guy.
ED:
Maybe the real you is so boring that all that’s left is the sexual urge? Who knows? But I doubt that ALL the guys at your school think identically, unless they’re aliens with a hive mind. Teenage boys want sex—that’s in their genes—and some are jerks, but stop looking in the same peer group. IF YOU’RE DATING A GUY FOR STATUS, YOU USUALLY WIND UP WITH A JACKASS. Try looking at guys outside the popular crowd. Make a cross-cultural connection. Date someone who reads.


Faze Reader:
My parents want me to go to a local university or college and save money by living at home, but I WANT TO GET AS FAR AWAY FROM THEM AS POSSIBLE—like University of Alaska, or Hawaii or at least University of British Columbia (UBC). I know they can afford it, but they keep telling me it’s too much money. How can I get them to stop being so cheap and just let me go to school wherever I want to?
ED:
I have an idea—stop being such a spoiled brat. Postsecondary education isn’t a birthright, it’s a privilege. You’re not interested in some specialized course only offered elsewhere, you just want to get far away from your parents. Forget it—you haven’t demonstrated enough critical thinking or maturity to warrant an extra investment in your schooling. And you have no idea how much your parents can afford. Do you balance a job and a mortgage, as well as support a family? No? Didn’t think so.
RED:
I was in your situation when I was applying to university. Unfortunately, I couldn’t figure out a way to convince my parents that going away to university was worth the extra money. All I can suggest is that you focus on keeping your requests reasonable. Point out that UBC has an excellent anthropology program, for instance. Don’t just focus on wanting to get away from your parents. Perhaps refine your choices so it seems like you care about the academics instead of the view from campus.

Hawaii, especially, is a very expensive state, and ANY UNIVERSITY OUTSIDE OF CANADA WOULD COST A LOT MORE MONEY BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT SUBSIDIZED. It could very easily double the cost of your education. It’s possible your parents really can’t afford that big a jump in expenses. As a compromise, I would focus on UBC instead of the U.S. schools. Furthermore, you should focus on getting top-notch grades so you can be eligible for scholarships. Also, you may have to look into student loans.


Faze Reader:
I HAD THIS HUGE CRUSH ON THIS SUPER-HOT GUY FOR SO LONG, like all of last year, and one of my so-called friends started dating him in September. I haven’t spoken to her since, and when she asked what was wrong and I told her, she said she had no idea I even liked him—such a lie. What is the best way to get back at her?
ED:
Hey, he’s not an exboyfriend, he’s a guy you liked but never approached. You snooze, you lose. Next time, find out if the guy has any interest in you. If not, move on. Like a bus in rush hour, another guy will be along in five minutes.
RED:
You two aren’t friends. You’re competitors. You don’t trust each other and YOU’RE USING GUYS AS TROPHIES IN THE STATUS GAME. If you continue this cycle, it’s going to turn out badly for both of you.

My recommendation, which I’m pretty sure you won’t follow based on your priorities, is to grow up and work on forging real connections with people based on mutual respect, not because someone is “superhot.” Maybe he hooked up with this other girl because she’s LESS PARIS HILTON AND MORE MILEY CYRUS.


Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)




Follow Faze on Twitter @FazeMagazine





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