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Ask Ed & Red

Ed The Sock And His Gal Red
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.

Send your own questions to and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.

ISSUE #34 Q & A

Faze Reader:
I recently started dating this guy and, so far ,he’s great in almost every way—except for his breath! I don’t know how to let him know, but he has got to cut back on the garlic and consider using some Scope. I hold my breath when he talks to me and try to keep some distance between us , but I can only keep this up so long . Is it fair to break up with someone be cause they have bad breath?

Okay, maybe that was too short an answer. But you shouldn’t have to endure the effects of tear gas every time you talk to him. First though, you have to gently make him aware of the problem. If he does nothing to correct it, then dump him. Because he smells like one.
Wow this question keeps coming up. Is there a plague of stank breath these days? Why all the poor hygiene? Ew! I’m with Ed on this one, and that only happens on full moons in leap years!
Um, also, bad breath can be a sign of serious medical problems…either his, or yours if you keep smelling it up close. So he should be told.

Faze Reader:
My family has jumped onto the green bandwagon and we have started eating local foods purchased from our neighbours and from the local market. Let me rephrase that: ALL we eat are local foods! I have eaten enough Swiss chard, cucumber, spinach and corn to turn a rabbit off of vegetables. I agree with eating locally and supporting our community, but isn’t there a line as to how many fruits and vegetables one can eat? I want a Big Mac!
What, do you have to eat every single meal with your parents? Go eat a Big Mac or get a bucket of the Dirty Bird. If they don’t want to serve it at home, that’s their choice to make. Besides, you can get locally-sourced meat. Nobody can survive on only vegetables. Even those pale, sickly vegetarians who work at the vegan market have some protein in their diet.
Well, I wouldn’t recommend a Big Mac, and while going local is a good thing, this sounds like overkill. A lack of protein is just as unhealthy as a Big Mac. Refusing to eat what your parents serve, however, turns your house into a war zone, so we have to get sneaky.

Okay, strategy! Find out what you’re really eating. Teens should be getting 1800 to 2400 calories a day (1800 if you’re a lazy slob, 2400 if you’re really active) with a balance of protein, carbs and fats. Sites like calorieking. com and provide food diary software you can use. Monitor what you’re eating for two weeks— no cheating!—and make an appointment with your doctor and your parents to discuss the results.

Faze Reader:
I have always been a slow grower, and it hasn’t bothered me, but now that all my friends are starting to wear a bra, I really feel left out. The other day they went bra shopping together and I faked being sick be cause the truth is, I don’t need a bra yet. I thought about stuffing my bra , but I’m afraid tissue will fall out one day and then my cover will be blown. Should I fake it or break the truth to my friends?
Ummm…I think it’s kind of obvious if you do or don’t need a bra. I bet they already know. Maybe they just want you to join them in the shopping trip, they may not expect you to buy. They may be just as selfconscious about their budding buds and want you there for moral support.

Ah, what do I know? Red, you’re more than... um…experienced in this area.
I had the opposite problem growing up: I was huge in the chest. It’s tough to be on either end of the spectrum.

But Ed’s right that your friends know you’re small-busted. For the love of all that is holy, girl, don’t stuff with tissue! There are plenty of subtly padded styles (emphasis on subtle) that look more natural and don’t waste trees and a lot of time. If you grow three cup sizes overnight, people are going to know it’s not natural.

You could probably find a AA cup bra that fits you (I have to admit I’m a little envious here. Your back must love you). Regarding the group trip to the mall, though… shopping with friends for your first bra might not be the best idea. You want to take your time and have yourself privately and professionally fitted, not be rushed by a cranky friend who’s whining about wanting a mochaccino.

Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)

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