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ISSUE #43 Q & A
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
Faze Reader:
I really like this guy and he finally asked me out on a date. But his idea of a great first date is going for a bike ride to the park—which would be really cute, but, unfortunately, I sweat a lot. Even on a casual stroll down my street, when the sun is shining, MY ARMPITS ARE DRENCHED within minutes. I really want to go out with him, but I don’t know how to suggest another date without telling him about my “problem.”
ED:
Bike riding isn’t a date. It’s two people doing something alone in the vicinity of each other. Tell him that you’d rather do something where you can talk more, because you can’t talk during bike rides without helmet mics. He’ll fall for it; guys are idiots.
RED:
There are treatments for excessive sweating, or “hyperhidrosis.” Talk to your doctor, because this isn’t something you’ll be able to hide indefinitely. In the meantime, suggest a specific movie or activity you WOULD like to do, and save the bike ride for later.
Faze Reader:
I’m going into my first year at university and I’m stuck with living with a random roommate on campus, a couple of hours from home. What if MY ROOMMATE TURNS OUT TO BE A TOTAL FREAK who loves cats and hexes people? How will I last a whole year!?
ED:
I love cats and curse people all the time. Are you saying you wouldn’t have roomed with me? Also, why don’t you wait until it’s a problem; you could be worrying about nothing. If you have empty free time to spend anticipating troubles that may not happen, you need something more productive to do. I can assist you by letting you do my yard work and other chores. For free.
RED:
Buy all the Harry Potter novels as research. And what’s wrong with people who like cats? This may be a good lesson for you to be less judgmental of people.
Faze Reader:
I need to save up money this school year because I have to pay for part of my vacation during spring break with my best friends. But I don’t have time for a job in addition to school and extra-curriculars. Help! HOW CAN I SAVE/MAKE MONEY without getting a part-time job for the next six months?
ED:
If you can figure that out, let me know. You’re now suffering from the early onset of the condition known as “adulthood.” It’s progressive and incurable, so it’s best to learn now how to handle the “work/life” balance. Many never do.
RED:
Chores around the house? Errands for people in your neighbourhood? Selling your stuff on eBay? Making money takes time and effort, no matter what method you choose. There are no shortcuts in life. Get used to that.
Faze Reader:
I’m really self-conscious about how skinny I am, but at the same time I’m really interested in and passionate about becoming a vegetarian. Is this a bad idea? Should I be sticking to a carnivorous diet, especially with my body type? I DON’T WANT TO LOSE ANY WEIGHT.
ED:
Like dogs smelling fear, people don’t react to your being skinny; they react to you being self-conscious about it. So stop worrying about it. If you’re naturally thin, big deal. Don’t be embarrassed about the ways you’re different from other people; be proud of them. As a wise man once said: “She who sticks her head above the crowd gets pelted with tomatoes, but there’s good money in ketchup.”
RED:
Being a vegetarian doesn’t mean consuming less calories. In fact, it can be very hard to get enough protein without eating a lot of food. I had to start eating fish again because being completely vegetarian was making me gain weight, so don’t worry about that. Worry about balanced meals and making sure you’re getting the proper nutrition.
Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)
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