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Ask Ed & Red

Ed The Sock And His Gal Red
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.

Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.

ISSUE #44 Q & A

Faze Reader:
A few days ago, my friend went to a concert that I really wanted to go to, but I couldn’t make it. Now she keeps talking about the concert, and it’s really annoying! I feel like she’s rubbing it in my face! HOW DO I TELL HER TO KINDLY SHUT UP?
ED:
There’s no way to “kindly” tell someone to shut up. I don’t know if this helps, but in a few years she will probably be really embarrassed she ever liked the group she went to see, and you will have the last laugh.
RED:
She might just be excited, and it’s not about you. She also might be trying to share things with you because you couldn’t be there. So make sure you’re interpreting her message right before you embarrass yourself. She had a good time! Be happy for her!


Faze Reader:
My school is really polluted. There’s garbage on the floor inside and out, and teachers leave the lights on when the classroom isn’t in use—I feel as though MY SCHOOL IS THE CAUSE OF GLOBAL WARMING! The rest of the world seems to be getting it, so how do I get this message through to the school?
ED:
There’s garbage all over the place? Where do you go to school, Post-Apocalypse High? Try calling the health department on the school—that’ll smarten ‘em up.
RED:
A proactive response is the best. Nagging people just makes them tune you out. Form an environment club to raise awareness, and start clean-up crews. Change starts with you; don’t wait for other people to do it.


Faze Reader:
I AM SO SICK OF THE WORD “LOVE”! There are too many songs about it, too many movies about it and too many books about it! It is WAY too overused in today’s society, and it really bothers me; especially when boys I hardly know tell me those three little irritating words (*eye rolling*). When will this madness stop?!
ED:
What would you rather they make songs, movies and books about? UGG boots? Skin rashes? Iron smelting? Love is something people either have or want and it’s universal. Except— apparently—for you, bitter beyond your years and on the fast track to living alone in an unheated cabin in the woods. Drop the tough façade, resistance is futile.
RED:
It won’t. “Love” makes people too much money. You’ve come to an understanding that a lot of older people don’t even get, so congratulations: you’re a more evolved being. This doesn’t make it less annoying, but still.


Faze Reader:
I love Star Wars! I have all six movies on Blu-ray, and my ROOM IS COVERED TOP TO BOTTOM WITH POSTERS. My friends love to rip on me about it—ALL THE TIME. How can I convince them of the awesomeness of Star Wars?
ED:
I suspect they may be more willing to give the movies a try if you weren’t always in their face about it. There’s nothing more obnoxious than an avid fan of a sports team/movie/actor/singer who can’t talk about anything else. Could be the “ripping” they do is just their way of maintaining their sanity without telling you to walk out an airlock. If it’s a real problem, then maybe these aren’t the friends you’re looking for. Move along.
RED:
They are clearly agents of the Empire, trying to turn you to the Dark Side. Trust your feelings and focus on your Jedi training. You may want to point out the popularity of fan groups, such as the 501st Canadian Garrison, or Leia’s Metal Bikini, but the Force is weak in your friends, so they still may not understand. Fortunately, there are many events throughout Canada for Star Wars fans like yourself. So, if your friends won’t stay on target, head to a fan club in your area and meet some new people. As Yoda says, “Do or do not. There is no try!” If it’s not clear by now, I love Star Wars too.
ED:
See what I mean?


Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)




Follow Faze on Twitter @FazeMagazine





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