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ISSUE #45 Q & A
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
Faze Reader:
My best friend has an expensive pair of shoes that I’ve wanted for months. I’ve finally saved up enough to buy them, but SHE GETS UPSET WHEN PEOPLE BUY THE SAME THINGS AS SHE DOES. To make it worse, she’s NEVER worn them. Do you think I should just forget about them, or ask her if she would mind if I bought the same ones?
ED:
This is hurting my brain. She has shoes she doesn’t wear, but will get mad if you buy the same pair? Rather than worrying about choosing shoes, you need to think about how you’re choosing friends. And do you want them because you like them, or because she already bought them? Just be glad that with everything going on in the world, this is your biggest worry.
RED:
I’m really questioning the foundation of this friendship too. Why is your friend controlling your buying habits? Buy the shoes if YOU like them! A good friend won’t wreck your enjoyment of something you saved for.
Faze Reader:
There’s this really nice and funny guy in my class. For a couple of weeks he’s been hinting that he wants to hang out. The only thing…I HATE HIS STYLE. He’s that “badboy, pants half-way down his thighs, baggy sweater” guy, and I can’t stand that. I know that if he’s a nice guy it shouldn’t matter, but the way he dresses is a turnoff. Should I take the plunge anyway?
ED:
You don’t hate his style, because he doesn’t have any. You hate the “bad boy” Halloween costume he wears. Unless his baggy sweater is hiding a conjoined twin brother, you should tell him you’d like to get to know him better...him, not the cartoon character he’s dressing as.
RED:
Perhaps a discussion about why he dresses that way is in order. “Sagging,” as it’s called, is sometimes done to make a statement: it’s illegal in some U.S. towns! This is also a good way to see if this jokester can handle someone with opinions. You can like him and not his style, and if he likes you, he can accept that!
Faze Reader:
I live in residence and usually everyone is pretty respectful. There’s a girl in my program who also lives on my floor, and it’s beneficial: we help each other out for assignments and tests. Most of the time it’s a win-win, but LATELY SHE’S BEEN REALLY INSECURE about her work. She asks me soooo many questions, and I’m glad to help, but sometimes it’s distracting. How do I tell her, in a nice way, that I can’t always help?
ED:
Um...tell her in a nice way that you can’t always help? Is there more to this than I’m seeing?
RED:
You’re missing the unease many people have with discord, Ed. Gee, I wonder why? This is an exercise in setting boundaries, and it can be hard. I think the biggest fear is that this insecure girl will hear “not right now” as “not ever,” and that’s not what the writer intends. It helps if you talk to people about needing to set boundaries at a time when they’re not specifically asking you for something. Seeking them out and asking them for their help in maintaining your equilibrium is also a good idea. Good luck.
Faze Reader:
My brother and I went to the same party last night. We had a couple of drinks, but we’re responsible. OUR PARENTS DON’T AGREE WITH DRINKING at all before we’re 19. I borrowed my brother’s black bag, and I guess I forgot to throw out a bottle. My parents found it and assumed it was my brother’s. He didn’t want me to get into trouble, so he took the blame, but now he’s grounded for two months. I feel horrible. Should I confess to my parents?
ED:
What do you want, a script? Just tell them. You may get in trouble, but your parents will likely respect you more and trust you more down the road. Do I have to do all the thinking for you people?
RED:
Ed, it’s an advice column. The purpose of it is to do people’s thinking for them. I’m a big sis myself, and I’ve been in your brother’s place. I wouldn’t do anything without talking to your brother first. He may be okay with his decision to take the heat for you and confessing to your parents might get him in trouble all over again for lying— that happened to me! But next time, don’t borrow your brother’s things when you’re disobeying your parents!
Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)
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