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Ask Ed & Red

Ed The Sock And His Gal Red
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.

Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.

ISSUE #47 Q & A

Faze Reader:
My friend has A SERIOUS ADDICTION TO HER CELLPHONE. Whether we are at her house, at the movies or even at school she always has her face and thumbs glued to it! Even when I’m talking to her she doesn’t pay attention and I feel as if she isn’t even there with me. How can I separate her from her cell phone?
RED:
Ugh! I hate when people do that! It’s not being popular. It’s being rude. Especially when people text in a theatre DURING MOVIES! Unfortunately, I too often„ find that I end up separating myself from the person, because they can’t be separated from their phone. Anything you say to her is going to result in a freak out, because she is addicted. If you don’t care about the freak out, say things to her to entertain yourself. Spouting random things while she’s on her phone can be pretty funny, especially if she happens to catch one. Humiliation is a great behaviour changer.
ED:
Have you considered that you might be boring? Or at least that your friend thinks so? Maybe you need to„ find a friend who „finds you more interesting than text messages sent by other people.


Faze Reader:
I really want to be an actress, but my parents don’t support my career choice. I know that I’M GOOD ENOUGH TO BE FAMOUS, but if they won’t take me to acting classes or move to Hollywood, how can I make it in this industry?
RED:
Okay, reality check time. If you REALLY want to be an actress, your „ rst objective isn’t Hollywood. It’s your local community theatre and a YouTube channel. Hollywood acting relies only partially on talent. If you’re over about 5’4”, you’ll lose out on parts, because many actresses are cast according to the height of the lead star. Furthermore, if you look too much like someone who’s already famous, you won’t get parts until the more famous person passes. If you don’t look enough like someone who’s already famous, you’re going to have to work very, very hard to get parts, because Hollywood doesn’t like things that aren’t like other things.
Besides, if you’re held back by your parents’ disapproval, you’re going to be destroyed by how much rejection you get in the entertainment industry. Time to „ gure out what you’re really looking for here.
ED:
What she said.


Faze Reader:
I have this one friend on Twitter who’s always tweeting about how she misses her ex-boyfriend, how she’s lonely and how no one loves her. It’s really annoying to see these tweets on my timeline, BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE RUDE BY UNFOLLOWING HER. How can I make her stop tweeting such sob stories?
ED:
You can’t. Twitter and Facebook are the world’s biggest pity parties and some people just can’t stop issuing invitations. So either unfollow her or just don’t read her drivel. Or send her on a mission to work with the poor locally or internationally, then maybe she’ll get a sense of what real tragedies are and drink a large glass of “shut the hell up.”
RED:
Geez, there are a ton of questions this issue that are basically, “How can I mind control my friends/parents?” Short answer: You can’t. You can’t, you can’t, YOU CAN’T. You can’t MAKE a person do anything. People have minds of their own, and opinions of their own, and twitter feeds of their own.
I understand why you don’t want to read a steady stream of “everything is awful, nothing is good.” Your friend’s behaviour is pathetic, and it’s possible she’s just being a drama queen and needs better coping skills. However, it’s also possible that she is clinically depressed, and that will not just go away because it’s annoying. If you really want to help her, help her „ nd someone to talk to who communicates in more than 140 characters.


Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)




Follow Faze on Twitter @FazeMagazine





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