Getting Deep #36: Breast Reduction, My Unloved Girlfriend, Lack Of Parental Support

Q&A with Dr. Dorothy: Your tough questions answered

Dorothy Ratusny is a Certified Psychotherapist specializing in Cognitive Therapy.

AT 14 YEARS OLD, I AM 5’1” AND HAVE DOUBLE-D-SIZED BREASTS. IS IT TOO EARLY FOR ME TO CONSIDER BREAST REDUCTION?

First off, it’s important to know that breasts continue to grow and change at least until your early 20s. For this reason, and to make sure that patients understand the seriousness of the surgery, plastic surgeons typically do not recommended performing breast reduction surgery before the age of 18.

If you haven’t already, consider researching and interviewing board-certified plastic surgeons who have a great deal of experience in breast reduction and, if possible, come highly referred. These surgeons will be able to assess and help determine what procedure will best meet your needs now (if you consider a procedure before the age of 20) as well as in the long term (if you need surgery at some later point). It’s most important to think through all of your options carefully since the decisions that you make regarding surgery now will also impact the rest of your life.

I RECENTLY DECIDED TO INTRODUCE MY GIRLFRIEND TO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. HOWEVER, THINGS DID NOT TURN OUT AS I EXPECTED— NONE OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY LIKED HER. THEY POINTED OUT BAD QUALITIES THAT I NEVER NOTICED INCLUDING THAT SHE SUPPOSEDLY CHANGED ME NEGATIVELY. I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND, BUT MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS DON’T THINK SHE’S GOOD FOR ME. DO FRIENDS AND FAMILY REALLY KNOW BEST?

Family and friends can present another perspective, often seeing what you don’t. You should ask yourself if what others have noticed has some merit. If truly none of the most important people in your life liked your girlfriend, it might be worth a closer look. Sometimes in a new relationship we tend to see that person with rosecoloured glasses—we can idealize who we think they are without seeing them as they are.

I HAVE A PASSION FOR HAIRSTYLING AND REALLY BELIEVE I HAVE THE TALENT TO BECOME VERY SUCCESSFUL AT IT. HOWEVER, I COME FROM A LONG LINE OF DOCTORS AND ENGINEERS IN MY FAMILY, AND AM PRESSURED BY MY PARENTS TO CHOOSE ONE OF THOSE PROFESSIONS—HAIRSTYLING IS JUST COMPLETELY UNHEARD OF. MY PARENTS HAVE THREATENED TO CUT ME OFF—HELLO, I NEED COLLEGE FUNDS! SHOULD I FOLLOW MY PASSION AND FACE THE CONSEQUENCES OR PLEASE MY PARENTS AND TRY TO BE HAPPY WITH ANOTHER KIND OF JOB?

Think about what will happen if you receive an education for another profession. How long will you enjoy working in that field, particularly if you aren’t doing what you are truly passionate about?

I think it’s wonderful that you already know what career you would like! Trust that in the end, your parents just want you to be successful and happy. When they see you enjoying your work they will ultimately be happy for you. When you follow your true passion—whatever that may be—you will always be happy….and successful!