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ISSUE #31 Q & A
In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE,
our readers bare their souls to
Ed & Red, Canada's high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red's unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send your own questions to ed@faze.ca and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
Faze Reader:
This is getting way out of hand: all you hear now is green this, green that, green clothes, green cars, GREEN DOGGIE POOP BAGS…You want to know what I think of when I hear green now? Green McVomit. Seriously, I don’t get it. Nobody is going to change the world by “going green”—they’re just being trendy. But when are the green-coloured glasses going to come off?!?! Soon, right?
ED:
Hey, I’m the fi rst guy to be sceptical whenever anything becomes too popular. Remember, nothing draws more fl ies than a steaming turd. But in the category of using powers for good and not evil, I’d rather people be drawn to caring about pollution than Lindsay Lohan’s next liplock. Who knows if we can save the world by “going green”, but it’s a better use of energy than lining up to see Twilight (shudder).
RED:
Well, climate change is a pretty major problem. You’re right, however, that things have become too gimmicky, and that there are a lot of false “green” claims to market products. The trick is to fi gure out what’s legit, and that can be tough. Most of the real deal is common sense and moderation, so, yeah, I would question the benefi t of green doggie poop bags, but educating yourself on energy alternatives to oil and ways to reduce garbage are worthwhile endeavours.
Faze Reader:
My best friend, who is only 18 and still in high school, is so sure she has met her “soul-mate” (roll my eyes and gag a bit), and she is already looking at wedding magazines and asking me to be her MOH. They’ve only been dating for six months!!! How do I snap her back to reality, so she can just date this guy like a normal girl and quit all this high school sweethearts, happily-ever-after crap?
ED:
What are you worrying for? High school romances have the life expectancy of a fruit fly. After it hits the skids, make sure you tell her “I told you so,” so next time she’ll think twice about bugging you with this crap.
RED:
Ugh. Well, congratulations: you’re more grounded than your best friend. It sounds like she’s more interested in the “playing princess” elements of a wedding than the responsibilities it entails. There are other ways to be girly that don’t cost that much money, and getting married is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make. And if she hasn’t seen him on the toilet yet, she shouldn’t even THINK about marrying him! It’s gross, but it’s true!
Faze Reader:
My boyfriend insists on always driving around in his parent’s massive Lincoln Navigator—to go to a friend’s house, to run errands, even to the corner store—which is literally around the corner! What can I do to make him realize that he is unnecessarily POLLUTING THE AIR THAT HIS GIRLFRIEND BREATHES? Even more, how can I continue to date someone who clearly has so little regard for others?
ED:
You can’t. Unless he’s me. But my lack of regard for others is founded in their stupidity. They earned it.
RED:
It certainly sounds like the two of you have very different priorities. Sounds like he’s trying to impress you (and everyone else) and getting it really wrong. Then again, he could just be late to the understanding that giant SUVs aren’t cool anymore. Either way, he’s acting like a dork. I’m assuming you’ve told him straight up that it bothers you, and that hasn’t stopped his posturing, so not only is he not respecting the environment, but he’s not respecting you, and that will affect things between you in more direct ways down the road.
Faze Reader:
There’s this teacher in my school that everyone hates. He yells at people for no reason, has like a million pop quizzes per semester and always seems happy (like I just-knew-youwere- stupid smirking-happy) when you don’t know the answer to his questions in class. Last week, he even made some girl cry. So, for a little revenge, some of us got together and toiletpapered his house, wrapped his car in plastic wrap and had 10 PIZZAS DELIVERED TO HIS HOUSE. It was so funny. My sister says I’m mean for helping, but he deserved it, right?
ED:
I’m not sure...was it 2-ply?
RED:
I don’t know about mean, but you are risking getting charged with vandalism if you’re caught. Furthermore, the pizzas cost the company that delivered them money, and the toilet paper and plastic wrap damage the environment and create waste.
Look out for Ed's compilation CD!
Featuring "songs that don't suck"
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, LiveOnRelease and more)
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