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My Confessions

by Natalie F, Brooklyn, NY, USA, Age 16


These are my confessions, words that reflect my pain,Secrets that I've kept bottled up and slowly driving me insane.

In here are explinations for why I do the things I do. In this I tell my story and each and every line is true.

From the first day I met him he left me breathless and my heart began to race, I knew i'd fallen in love with him from the second I layed eyes on his face.

He gave me my first kiss and even took my virginity, lord only knows just how much he meant to me.

I moaned I love you softly and truly felt it in my heart, I anxiously counted each and every minute we were apart.

I thought I found someone who loved me, someone who really cared, I used to lie awake at night thinking of the special moments we shared.

He was beyond prefect, everything I could've wished for and more,and the feelings I had for him I never felt so strongly before.

I thought we were meant to be together, though i never really believed in fate. Little did I know the relationship that grew from love would sadly end in hate.

For the first couple of months he was perfect,everything i'd ever need, then my life began to fall apart starting with the day I announced I was
carrying his seed.

I turned to him for support but he turned his back on me and left me all alone. Only 16 years old and pregnant, left to deal with it on my own.

I didnt understand how he could despise something that was a part of him, our creation. I had too much pride to crawl back begging for help, despite my desperation.

He would never call and the few times he did were to remind me of the cruel heartless person he had become, the words he said would often shock me to the point where my entire body felt numb.

I was not at all ready to be responsible for a human life, a child doesn't deserve another child for its mother. I wanted my child to have a stable home with two parents who loved eachother.

Abortion was the descision I made, although I wanted with all my heart for my baby to have a chance to live. but the fact of the matter remained that what my unborn child would need, I could not give.

Till this day i'm still trying to forgive my self and sometimes feel regret. May 6th, the day I was forced to kill my unborn child, a day I will NEVER forget.

Foolishly I let him back into my life after all he put me through. I knew his words were pure lies but I wanted so much for them to be true.

I was suspicious of him cheating and was proven to be right. He denied it and I lay awake and cried myself to sleep that night.

Hurting inside I was tired of the rumours and his constant lies. He took away my pride and made me feel like my worth was between my thighs.

Calling me to fulfill his fantasys, I was there for one thing and nothing more. Never took me out or paid me any compliments, I was his personal
whore.

One day I arrived at his doorstep with a letter that had been addressed to me. It was a letter from my doctor, unfortunately I had an STD.

I was crying and trembling while he read the letter, slow and calm. I stood nervously biting on my lips and rubbing my sweaty palms.

When he finally looked up from the letter his reaction was nothing close to what I expected. He began to laugh but remained cool and collected.

He said it was my problem, that I was the one with the disease. It was amazing the way he lied with ignorance and ease.

That was the day I realized my heart had taken more grief then it could possibly sustain and that by loving him I had lost far more than I had gained.

Never had I felt such hatred as I snatched back the letter and silently walked away, and now I sit and wonder if my heart will ever beat again someday.