In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE, our readers bare their souls to Ed The Sock & Red, Canada’s high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red’s unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send in your own questions and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
ISSUE #11 Q & A
Faze Reader:
My girlfriend says she loves me and would do anything for me. I’m really into her but her nose has got to go! She says she’ll get a nose job if I pay for half. I kinda don’t mind but what if we break up? I don’t want to pay for what someone else might benefit from. Should I pay for half but make her promise to pay me back if we break up?
ED REPLIES:
Are you for real? I only ask because I can’t believe anyone as stupid as you can actually express thoughts on paper. You don’t have the slightest idea of what being in a relationship requires: respect. Any guy who would want his girlfriend to undergo unnecessary surgery is a selfish lout, and likely less concerned about her appearance than what people will think of him because of her appearance. And by the way, surgery might change her nose, but no surgery will change your lousy attitude.
Faze Reader:
My friend says he doesn’t care if he fails high school because he plans on becoming a drug dealer. I’m serious. He says he’ll never get caught because the cops are useless. What do you think?
ED REPLIES:
I think there’s a good reason for your friend to fail high school—he’s an idiot. And by the way, the prisons are full of people who thought they’d never get caught and that the cops are useless. Guess they were wrong, huh?
Faze Reader:
My boyfriend has broken up with me four times. I know he still cares about his last girlfriend but he says that has nothing to do with it. When he wants to break up he says something lame like, “It’s just not working.” I love him so I keep going back with him but I’m tired of him breaking up with me for no good reason. What should I do?
ED REPLIES:
Um…do you know why he’s broken up with you four times? Because you took him back three times. Sounds to me like you’re just a convenient pit stop for him between relationships. Do yourself and your self-esteem a favour and stop being this guy’s drive-thru window.
Faze Reader:
This kid just transferred to our school and he speaks with a pretty bad lisp. He doesn’t have any friends and people are kinda cruel and make fun of him—and he knows it. I feel really bad for him and wish they’d stop but I don’t want to say anything in case they start picking on me. What should I do?
ED REPLIES:
Depends – do you want to be a snivelling coward your whole life, or start growing up? Every new person at school faces ostracism, because lots of teenagers are insecure little pukes who make themselves feel better by bashing those who are defenceless. And this poor guy If you’re willing to hear the truth, with no holds barred, then send your questions to has a lisp, so that’s another thing that make him a target. And I guarantee, you probably will get some teasing if you befriend him—so what? Sometimes all it takes to help a situation is someone from the ‘in-crowd’ sending a sign to others that the outsider is okay. If you have your own friends, they’ll back you up. If you don’t have your own friends, and you’re just a follower, you’re better off making friends with the new kid. He’ll appreciate it, you’ll make your own friend, and have someone to stand with you when the crowd inevitably turns on you.
Faze Reader:
My friend and I went grad dress shopping together and she found an amazing dress. Thing is, I knew I would look way better in it so I went back and bought it for myself. Now she’s mad at me. How do I tell her I did her a favour without sounding mean?
ED REPLIES:
You can’t, because you didn’t do her a favour, you did yourself one – and a shortsighted one at that. You should have told her when you found the dress that there were likely other dresses that flattered her more. But what you did was underhanded. Either take the dress back, or help her find another dress that she likes, but don’t tell her you were doing her a favour. That is, if she even feels like hanging with you anymore. I’d kick you to the curb.
Faze Reader:
Lately my mom has been driving me insane. She wants to know everything. Who I’m talking to on the phone, where I’m going, for how long, who’s going to be there, it never ends! I know she cares about me and all that stuff but how do I tell her to back off and that I can be trusted?
ED REPLIES:
I can’t answer this without being as irresponsible as radio psychologists. I don’t know your particular situation, your family dynamic, history, etc. But maybe it’s best to start by asking her why it seems like she doesn’t trust you, and talk about her concerns without being angry or stand-offish.
Faze Reader:
My new friend has lots of money and always wants to go out for lunch or shopping after school. I have started dipping into my “car savings” just to keep up with her and not look like I’m poor. She has lots of cool friends and I don’t want her to drop me but I can’t keep this up much longer. What can I do to seem rich without spending much money?
ED REPLIES:
Why do you need to seem rich? There’s no shame in working for your money and spending it carefully. In fact, there are much greater long-term benefits in demonstrating respect for money than there is in senselessly spending to keep up appearances. And if your friendship is based solely upon sharing conspicuous consumption, find someone else.
Get Ed’s compilation CD, Featuring “songs that don’t suck”
(With tracks from Sum 41, Swollen Members, Gob, Bif Naked, Live On Release and more)
Read a ton from Ed The Sock and his partner Red RIGHT HERE at fazeteen.com/ask-ed
What Do You Think? Leave A Comment!