Ask Ed The Sock 13: Freeloaders, Hairy Armpits, Golddiggers, Inconsiderate Friends, Big Spenders And More...

In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE, our readers bare their souls to Ed The Sock & Red, Canada’s high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red’s unfettered and heartfelt replies.

Send in your own questions and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.

ISSUE #13 Q & A

Faze Reader:
I got my license over the summer and drive to school everyday. My friends are constantly asking me to give them a lift somewhere. It’s not always the same people and the distances are never that far, but it drains my gas pretty fast, and gas is expensive. I don’t want to sound cheap and ask for money for a five-minute ride but I’m tired of being stuck with the gas bill. What should I do?

ED REPLIES:
Well, the answer to your gas bill may very well be gas. Start eating gassy foods more often, and drive with the windows rolled-up. We’ll see how many people want to ‘bum’ a ride when you’re constantly playing the ass-bagpipes.

Faze Reader:
My friend has decided to ‘be natural,’ and now she won’t shave her legs or armpits. I am soo embarrassed to be around her now because everyone makes fun of her. How can I ditch her as a friend without her figuring out the real reason?

ED REPLIES:
Why not tell her the real reason? She’s taking a different path with her life than you’re comfortable with. Friends grow apart. She has the right to follow her own path, but she should see that there are consequences to going against the grain. Personally, I don’t know why anyone would want to look like something that was left out that should have been refrigerated.

Faze Reader:
My good friend is dating this guy for his money and everyone knows it except him. I feel really bad for him because she calls him a sucker behind his back. I want to say something to him but I don’t want to betray my friend. What should I do?

ED REPLIES:
The first thing you should do is ask yourself why you’re friends with this lowlife. And someone who acts scummy doesn’t contain it toward one person. Take it from me, people who talk behind one person’s back talk behind everyone’s back, likely yours included. Find yourself a friend with human qualities, or if you can’t do that, get a dog. Even though it licks its own butt, a dog’s still got more class than your current pal.

Faze Reader:
I really like my friend but I think she’s inconsiderate. She always ‘forgets’ we were supposed to meet after school or at the mall and I’m left standing and waiting around. Once she forgot to meet me at a movie and I went in alone and felt like a loser! What should I do?

ED REPLIES:
First of all, you’re never a loser for doing something by yourself—the real losers are people who are too insecure to be comfortable with their own company. As for your friend—nobody ‘forgets’ things that often unless they have a memory disorder. So you can either get her help, or recognize that she is blowing you off for ‘better things’ that come up.

Faze Reader:
When someone is wearing something really nice my two friends will sometimes ‘accidentally’ spill something on them in the cafeteria, then they act all sorry and stuff to the person. I want to tell them to stop but I’m scared they will turn on me. What should I do?

ED REPLIES:
What is with you people? Why are you friends with such foul creatures? There’s a ton of decent people out there you can hang with. Maybe they don’t all wear the ‘cool’ clothes or listen to the ‘cool’ music…but I bet your current friends do, and you can see that those things are less important than finding decent people worthy of your friendship. If you’ve got conscience enough to recognize what these two girls are doing is wrong, then you should stop hanging out with these juvenile dorks and find someone more your speed.

Faze Reader:
My friend buys way too expensive stuff – shoes $160, t-shirt $45, jeans $210. Then she complains she can’t afford a movie! How do I tell her to slow down on the shopping without sounding jealous?

ED REPLIES:
Well, look at it this way: the movie she’ll see once, the clothes she’ll wear repeatedly. If you amortize the cost of, say, her shoes, over the number of times she’ll wear them, it probably costs her less per-use for the sandals than the $15 or so it costs to see a one-time movie. So maybe she has the right idea, and you’re the spendthrift?

Faze Reader:
Hey Ed. What was your most memorable high-school moment?