In every issue of FAZE MAGAZINE, our readers bare their souls to Ed The Sock & Red, Canada’s high priest and priestess of morality, etiquette and, especially, common sense. Here are Ed & Red’s unfettered and heartfelt replies.
Send in your own questions and hopefully Ed & Red will be able to answer you in an upcoming issue of FAZE.
ISSUE #7 Q & A
Faze Reader:
My girlfriend wants to ‘style’ me. She doesn’t like me wearing my oversized baggy pants really low and wants to give me a new look. How do I get her to back off? Besides, I think I look slammin’!
ED REPLIES:
You look slammin’, do you? First thing you should ‘style’ is your language – you sound like a moron. Personally, I think the baggy pants look is ridiculous, and in a few years when you look at pictures from now, so will you. But as for your girlfriend…well, relationships are about compromise, but how you dress is an outward expression of who you are (or else what your friends are wearing) and she shouldn’t be tampering with it. You can compromise and change your pants, or she can compromise and learn that every partner will have things you don’t like and have to accept. Your clothes aren’t hurting anybody, so she should be less concerned with your pants and more interested in what’s in them. Um, wait, that didn’t come out right…I mean who’s in them…you get it, right?
Faze Reader:
I have to give up smoking if I want to hang with my new girl because she isn’t into it, but I don’t wanna looked whipped in front of the guys – what should I do?
ED REPLIES:
Seems to me you’re already whipped – by the guys. Real men don’t let other people’s attitudes determine their behaviour. And real men also don’t expect their friends to mimic everything they do. So you have to decide – do you want to act like a man, or hang with the boys? Break away from the hive-mind, let them suck cancer sticks while you’re sucking face.
Faze Reader:
My friend dumped her boyfriend last year and said he was off limits to any of her friends. Her ex and I have recently started hanging out and I’d love to date him. Should I back off and potentially miss true love?
ED REPLIES:
If you’re a teenager, the potential for “true love” arises every 5 minutes. But I think a year is more than enough time for your friend to get over this guy…chances are she’s on her third boyfriend since him. You’ve respected her feelings, now it’s time for her to consider yours. If she can’t, she’s not much of a friend.
Faze Reader:
My friend is constantly borrowing money from me. It’s never a lot at one time, maybe a buck or two, but it adds up! How do I say no when he’s only asking for ‘change to buy a bag of chips’?
ED REPLIES:
By saying no.
Faze Reader:
I’m attracted to a guy my friends have made fun of in the past. I think he’s kinda into me too. What should I do?
ED REPLIES:
Well, that depends on whether they made fun of him for some stupid, catty reason, or because he had a strange intimacy with small animals. If it’s the former, well, read what I said in items 2 & 3 and apply that advice to your situation. See? There’s a test on this stuff already.
Faze Reader:
Our school has banned wearing baseball caps and hats!! They claim it is to help reduce ‘gang related garments’. What next? No jewellery? No name brand running shoes? Is this going too far or is it just me?!
ED REPLIES:
It’s not going too far – it’s going in the wrong direction. You don’t stop gang violence by banning hats. But it’s a typical response by an out-of-touch establishment. Instead of addressing the real problems, they ban hats and jewellery – and somehow feel they’re accomplishing something. Hats don’t kill people, people kill people. They should try dealing with the root causes of the problems, not the window-dressing.
Faze Reader:
What’s the first thing you’d do if you won a million dollars?
ED REPLIES:
I’m not interested in winning a million dollars – I’d rather earn it. The lottery is nothing more than a tax on the stupid. You want to be rich? Work for it.
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Read a ton from Ed The Sock and his partner Red RIGHT HERE at faze.ca/ask-ed
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