It’s understandable that you’re trying to help your bestie out, but sometimes it’s best to just be there and avoid saying these common—but actually not helpful—things.
“You’ll be back together soon.”
We’ve all had that one friend who’s, “the girl who cried break up.” This is the friend who is constantly breaking up and getting back together with their partner. You can never really tell whether or not her break ups are real, or if it’s just another false alarm. Either way, you should not assume what’s going to happen. By telling your friend, “you’ll be back together soon”, you’re getting her hopes up. Just be there for her no matter what you think the outcome may be.
“You can still be friends.”
When discussing the future of someone’s relationship with their ex, never say the f-word: friends. We all know that exes can never just be friends. There’s always going to be feelings involved—and it’s usually one sided and emotionally stressful. Turning a break up into a healthy friendship is close to impossible. It’s extremely difficult to be friends with someone right after you’ve just broken up with them. Especially when your friendship constantly reminds you of why you fell in love in the first place. And eventually, when the “other girl” comes along, the jealously may very well start a war. It’s best just to say “Bye Felicia” and start moving on, without them.
“We’ll find you a new beau in no time.”
When a girl’s just been dumped, it’s hard to imagine being with someone else. At that point in time she may not want to be with someone else and may be in the mood to just give up on love all together—we’ve all been there. It’s hard to imagine a life with someone new when you were just planning a future with the person who you thought was your “forever”. Rushing into a new relationship, or getting into an unhealthy rebound relationship, is never a good way to fix a broken heart. Give the person some time to get over their past relationship before mentioning finding them a new partner.
“You need a girl’s night out!”
Who doesn’t love a girl’s night out? Let me answer that question for you—a girl who’s just been dumped. The last thing a girl experiencing a break up wants to do is go out and party. She’s probably been crying all day and night as the memories run though her head. She’ll hardly be in the mood to smile and “runnin’ through the six with her woes” will not help. Stay in, watch movies or have a spa night. Wait until the break up isn’t so fresh then you can try to give her an unforgettable night as a newly single lady!
“One day he/she will realize there’s no one better than you.”
You may know for a fact that your friend was the best girlfriend ever and you’re her biggest cheerleader—but that doesn’t mean her ex will come to that realization. Just make a point that you know she’s a great person and build her confidence. Who cares if her ex realizes there is no one better than her? All that matters is that at the end of the breakup, she’s at her best and can move on.
“There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah, this may be true, but it’s an irrelevant point to make to a girl who’s just been dumped. Sure there are plenty of fish in the sea. There are also plenty of tops in my closet. Just like not all tops, or fish are the same, people aren’t the same either. Maybe the girl who’s just been dumped still wants her old “fish” and could care less about the thousands more available.
“He/she wasn’t good enough for you anyways.”
You may have feelings about your friend’s partner but keep them to yourself. Maybe you liked him/her, maybe you didn’t. Whatever the case may be, bad-mouthing the ex is not your place. The girl who’s just been dumped once cared, and probably still cares, about the person you’re trash talking. Putting them down will definitely hit a nerve and could start a huge fight.
“I told you it wasn’t going to work out.”
“I told you so” is like kicking a person when they’re already down. Being a know-it-all isn’t going to help the person who’s just been dumped and will probably only because more tears.
“On the bright side, at least now you’ll have more time to spend with me.”
You may be saying this sarcastically, to ease some tension in the room, but it’s actually a very selfish thing to say and only makes the person feel guilty about the time spent on their relationship.
“Who needs a relationship when you can be single and free?”
You might like being single, but some people enjoy having someone to share their life with. Make sure they aren’t rushing into anything serious, but don’t discourage them from relationships just because you don’t see the benefits of being in one.